Inner Jonah

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Do we truly forgive and love our enemies? I know what you’re thinking...Me? 

I don’t have enemies. The thing is it doesn’t have to be someone you are at war or went to war with. He/she could be a neighbor, family, friend or even your spouse, anyone who has ever hurt or wronged you. We all have our dislikes about a person’s character or personality, c’mon you know what I mean. That person, who gets under your skin or makes the hairs on your neck stand up. You know the one whom you can’t be around for too long. Yes, consciously or subconsciously we all have negative thoughts pop up now and again in our head when we hear a certain name.   

A prophet in the bible feels the exact same way about his enemies. You know who I mean...Jonah. He is a rebellious man who hates God for loving his enemies (Jonah 4:2.) In Jonah’s story I've learned through his perspective and had the opportunity to examine our hearts and mind when it comes to our enemies.  

 A couple years ago, I was in a relationship with at the time my first real boyfriend of six years. The relationship in itself was great. We were good for each other and brought out the good in each other. Sometime in the relationship we drifted apart because we both wanted different things. Our relationship became a strain. I wanted to draw closer to God, and he wasn’t ready for that. Anyway, I had decided to call it quits because God instructed me to and I wasn't happy with how things were going.We were engaged and I loved him. It wasn’t an easy decision to make but we ended it on good terms. Being obedient and trusting HIS final decision, plan for my life was what I needed to do. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, and we both hurt each other in many ways. The day we broke up, I remember surrendering to God and saying I’d forgiven myself and my him but did I really? I had wished him the best but was I sincere?  

Sometimes we are good at convincing ourselves that we’ve moved on; it was all in the past and so was the hurt and pain. Years had passed and I was now a newlywed looking forward to my new chapter. One day while my husband and I were out, we ran into my ex and to my surprise I was instantly filled with fear, disappointment and pain. In that moment all the memories came rushing back like waves crushing into a boat. I froze and just could not catch my breath. We got home, but I couldn’t get him and everything that happened out of my head. I was angry like Jonah and in that moment, God spoke to me and said: ’I first loved you. You are all my children and My love covers over a multitude of sin’, My Grace is for all, the sun rises on the good and the bad and rain falls on the righteous and unrighteous . Above all love your enemy as yourself.’ In that moment God had revealed to me that I was only fooling myself to think I was the only one who’d been hurt when in reality I too had caused hurt and pain. 

How could I claim to love God, and not my "enemies" for these two go hand in hand.
The story of Jonah has taught me to not only humble myself but to repent, obey and love others. We all come up short and are far from perfect. Just as God grants every one of us grace, we too should have mercy on others. Jonah 1-4, 1 Peter 4:8, Matt 5:44-45, 22:36-40

XOXO, Niki